Why do we have a Tahara (purity) Process?
For us to understand that we need to look at the High Priest, the Kohen Gadol, in the time of the Temple. The High Priest was performing all the services in the temple together with all of the rest of the priests. However, as the holy day of Yom Kippur approached the High Priest went through a rigorous tahara process so that he would be able to enter the Holy of Holies – the place of greatest intimate contact with G-d. Although he was in a state of holiness, one that he was able to perform all the services in the Temple, to enter the Holy of Holies, which was a much more sacred place and a place of intimate contact with G-d, he needed to be on a higher level.
In Jewish thought, husband and wife stem from one soul. We get married in order to bring those two halves of our souls together as one. While there are many ways to accomplish this, such as spending time with each other, anticipating each other’s needs, respecting each other, etc.; there is one way that G-d created that has the possibility of bringing those souls and one’s very being as one in an extremely close fashion. And that is through intimate relations.
As we hug and kiss, we arouse our hormones which not only give us a special feeling and pleasure but also creates a magnetic pull between husband and wife; slowly bringing their beings and very souls together as one in a very powerful way.
And as we bring the two halves of our souls as one and we feel as one, only then do we put our bodies together as one. This is actually how Adam and Eve were originally created. And G-d says, “I who am One will join you who have made yourselves one” and He places His Shechina, the G-dly presence not just in the room, but between them. The only other place we see it written that G-d places his presence between – is between – the Kruvim, the cherubs, in the Holy of Holies. Therefore, whenever husband and wife are together intimately it has holiness comparable to the Holy of Holies.
For this reason, when husband and wife are intimately together, we have to be in a certain state of tahara just like the High Priest before he went to the Holy of Holies. And so, when a woman does the tahara process and goes to the mikvah she is like the High Priest preparing himself, going through his tahara process before he went into the Holy of Holies.
Why does one become nidda when one gets a period?
Nida is a tiny form of Tumas Mais (impurity because of death). Tumas Mais happens because the soul leaves the body and where there is a place of great kedusha – holiness – (the soul) and the holiness leaves, a tumaah (impurity) will take its place. And that's why five minutes before someone dies there's no Tumaas Mais and five minutes later when they die and the soul which is so holy left, a tumaah will take its place.
When a woman ovulates, a potential life is formed. Because life is so important, even a potential life brings holiness. However, when that egg leaves the body with the period, we then have a potential life loss and thereby a loss of that holiness and a tumaah takes its place.
And therefore, since when husband and wife are together there's such great holiness therefore a women would need to go through a tahara process to return once again to the status and level of holiness to be able to experience G-ds Presence between them.
I always thought that tumaah was something bad and associated with evil and sin i did. Is the Torah saying I'm bad, dirty, or sinful? This makes me feel bad.
Absolutely not. This is a misconception. While there are some sins that can make a person tamai (impure). There are actually some mitzvos (good deeds and commandments) that make a person tamai as well. For example, when a person buries a person in middle of the desert and has done what is refereed to as a “chesed shel emes” an ultimate kindness, they actually became tamai. This is despite the fact that they did a good deed, a special deed, and not a sin.
Now we understand that there’s nothing wrong when a women is nida. Which is why we don't send unmarried girls to the Mikvah. And there's no problem for a father to touch his daughter who is nida. However, when we are married since we do something that is on such a high level and such intimate contact with G-d, we have to be on a higher level.
Why then can't the couple touch each other?
We don't touch each other as spouses because the Torah and the sages expect that our relationships should be so strong and loving that we would be afraid that if we touched each other a domino effect would occur and we may end up having intimate relations when we are not on the level of tahara to be able to do it.
